Untitled

my soul is driven
by the empty ambitions
of fiends and loose women,
who tied the noose around their dreams
in exchange for
a piss poor and ill advised way of livin,
internal sickness suppressed by sexual healin
facin his "grace" while knealin
temporary nausea
from the semen its spillin,
the physical toll
it takes on one's soul
to emotionally embody
the self loathing role
-Academy Award winnin-
stay pretendin
jus to alleviate
the self destruction one continuously participates
in some abandoned buildin,
in a corner feelin lonesome
with the anxious feelin,
knotty stomach
head spinnin
body's a revolvin door
no walls
no floors,
jus a glass ceilin

-self hate-

its for THESE women
that I stay tryin to penetrate
the top levels
of MY inner "GREAT"
hellbent on NEVER fallin victim
-fuck the streets-
-fuck the State-
picky about who's in me
keep the space between my legs empty
so theres no worries about bein "late"
student of the university
yet I have my understandin
bcuz I self educate
-knowledge of self-
positive self imagine
so negative stereotypes cease to perpetuate
..not phony..
..not money hungry..
keeps it real
feed my soul humbly
and not worry about whats on
the next person's plate
uplift my sistas
so we ALL can elevate
-rise higher-
bcuz as a whole,
we equally sell our souls
to both the cheapest and highest buyers
but I, for one,
wont be another 'Amber' in that self destructive fire
..will continue to break the cycle
til the strength in my mind and soul expires
bcuz the situation is dire-
without thinkin about how their ambitions, emotions, and souls will tire
girls are negating their minds to employ their bodies
jus bcuz its an easy and sure hire

Today's Word: Integrity

I care, but I dont care. Im irritated,.. but for me to sincerely give a fuck is against my nature. Im speaking of today's incident-the loss, and subsequent theft of my phone by some unknown assailant. Allow me to tell the tale. Upon my umi's (mother's) suggestion, I decided to treat my umi and my dear sun to an afternoon delight of ice cream. The first destination, the local ice cream/ soft serve shop, was closed because, ironically, their machine had frozen. At this point, feelings of defeat abound...but hey, my umi wants some ice cream..so gotdamnit, she's gonna get some! Thinking of alternatives, she suggests that we just go to the bodega to see if they have any ice cream bars--negative..they have all but one solitary Good Humor strawberry shortcake left in the freezer case. SHIT! Now mind you..this this whole little ice cream adventure was on foot, because I was taking my sun on his afternoon walk. So..we sit for a moment. Im thinking. There's a Baskin Robins up the street..not really THAT far, but on a humid ass summer day, its fuckin far enough. So I put it out there..bcuz I want my umi to get her damn ice cream. (Of course) she's up to it, I check the kiddo-he seems up to it..so its decided, and we're on our way to the damn Baskin Robins. Along the way, the kiddo and I play and fool around..chasing each other, playin hide n' seek, kicking rocks..the sorta juvenile, fun shit that toddlers enjoi. So..we finally arrive at the Baskin Robins. She gets a scoop of Basketball Nut (the flavor of the month), the kiddo gets a kiddie sized soft serve cup, and I get a double scoop-one of Pistachio Almond and one of Very Berry Strawberry. I pay, we go outside, and finally eat our ice cream. -All is well in the world-. With the ice cream smashed, we rid ourselves of the empty containers and head back for my house. (More juvenile, fun shit ensues.) Damn near a half block before I reach my house, I see a cell phone back (the piece that covers the battery) on the ground. Triggers thought.."where's MY phone?" (Looks down..not on hip where it normally resides.) Awww FUCK!! Think back, think back. Hmmm. Had it at destinations one and two...destination three..not so sure. Operation Retrace Steps, engage. I back tracked every step, but to no avail. So..my conclusion is that when we were sitting, it slid off my hip, unbeknownst to me, and fell in the mulch beside me, bcuz that would be the only time that I would neither feel or hear it hit the ground. Someone clearly picked up.....probably beside them self with glee, having found a brand new touch sceen. Obviously, I call........I try three times, leaving a voicemail the last time informing the person that the service will be shut off within the next hour. I call my carrier, then the claims' folk...yada yada yada..so on and so forth.

So..thats the tale.

Im not really irrated that I lost the phone..Im moreso irrated that people dont have integrity. Now, I understand that the allure of finding a brand new phone somewhere is mighty appealing to folk..trust me, I know..bcuz Ive been on the other side of the situation a few different times. But Ive always returned the phone to the owner..one-bcuz I would want someone to do that for me, two-bcuz its the right thing to do, and three-bcuz I know invaluable our phones are to us. Mofos were damn near ready to kiss me for returning their phones, and understandibly so. The fact that people would keep an item they found, that they KNOW its owner is looking for, is beyond me. Yet and still..people do this kinda shit every-fuckin-day,..but then have the gull to be mad at "them muthafuckas" when they find themself in a similar, unfortunate situation. -Fuckin mind boggling-

In the end..its jus a phone...I'll get a brand new one in the mail in a few days...the shit really isnt that deep.

But its the principle of the thing.

Rude, Crude World

Written June 18, 2010

-a world in turmoil-
its a sad day in existence
when the soil breathes oil,
when companies cant see beyond their bottom line
and only to profits are loyal
indeed, a sad moment in time..
when careless indifference
causes leaks in pipelines
that continues to seep
"black gold" for weeks and weeks,
rain or shine,
destroyin a local industry
that makes its living utilizin nets and fishlines
destroyin habitat and animal rights,
cuttin down their quality of lyfe
with a BP endorsed knife,
killin everthing it touches,
-land mines-
muthafuckas get arrested for dutches,
over small change,
nickles and dimes,
while those responsible
for this catastrophe, phenomenal
FREE AS FUCK!!,
stay extending a bogus timeline,
somebody needs to take my statement,
cuz Ive witnessed a HEINOUS crime
against humanity,
and if YOURE not pissed the FUCK OFF,
YOU SHOULD BE
surrounded by padded walls
for mental defect
-insanity-
cuz we got this ONE planet, see..
and if we
fuck it up, we're up shit's creek
like a dude doin anal with dukey on the "D",
lyfe as we know it would become a distant and beautifully tragic memory
so keep ya eyes glued to the powers that be
cuz we live and die together,
for worse or for better,
this rock is OUR home,
so what happens on and to it
is OUR responsibility

Worth The Wait

Written June 17, 2010


I get approached on a regular
too many dudes to name,
but Im benchin myself
cuz Ive already been hurt
too many times in the game,
shit's always the same,
in the beginning they luv my freedom of thought
but they always eventually try to tame
..by tryin to break my spirit
so that my mind and heart would be in chains,
but we aint 'upstate'
my freedom doesnt take a break
had to ice that ass;
frost that cake,
got a taste of it,
realized I couldnt fuck wit it,
so I tossed the plate,
..but sometimes my heart's on that platter,
and SOMETIMES when that platter DOES shatter,
as a consequence
of momentarily lackin sense,
SOMETIMES my heart DOES break,
over the bullshit and possibilities
of the "what could be"s
that I chose to forsake
..sometimes..
in my mind, I debate
..whats at stake IS worth the wait..
(?)
..RIGHT?!?..
I mean,.. the time it takes
to grace upon a proper and personalized mate
could be many years,
plus a fortnight
..so I might as well date..(?)
conclusion:
............
..Im str8..
Im willin to take my time,
willing to further evolve my mind,
willin to luv myself and shine,
til that moment sublime,
when I am he
and he is I,
and in the skyy
all things align,
wish I could fast forward thru time,
but I'll patiently wait in line,
bcuz the line of women that Im from
and the one I'll become,
is definitely worth waitin for mine

A Survivor's Story

Written June 17, 2010

my heart was an open wound
which, due to your gesture
was to decay and fester
leaving only a skeleton
-remnants in luv's tomb-
there was no peace,
no sweet release,
from the dead elephant inside the room
jus the lingerin stench of luv lost
and deceased
..a toxic, necrotic perfume..
so unfortunate
this escapade,
put into motion
by your heart of jade,
made my luv's lyfe light
fade to shade
like dusk's warm glow on evenins in June
ironically
the debt that was sacrificially paid
-when i gave you my heart
and you gave it your blade-
purchased future immunity
from infectious wounds to be made
slowly but surely
returning to myself
regaining my emotional, physical, and spiritual health
I cashed/ (cast) you out,
..almost cost me everything..
but yet and still..
I have my wealth
youve dropped off my radar
and its not bcuz you engaged your stealth
I let you go
ended that show
it wasnt my time
and I wasnt gonna let you
kill me slow
removed your fangs
from my arterial flow
im past your bullshit
fuck a luv thats counterfeit
headin in a new direction thats legit
and "Roger That..all systems GO!"
so now im free
with a new found ability to see
the likes of your kind
and others unworthy of me
you were the kiss of death
but miraculously
I survived your injury
IM PURGED OF THEE!
..finally..
a survivor's story
ghost written by you
edited and adopted by me

My Point Five

Written April 11, 2010

luv,
you may not be the "ONE',
but,
if you add your half
and do the math,
our union will still manifest
the same sum
..knowledge..,
I understand wisdom,
so dont begin to think
that I dont understand where youre coming from
spiritually,
U-N-I verse,
occasionally,
over different rhythms,
but always to the same drum
we share musicality,
I am your right hand,
your melody,
and you are my left,
my baseline,
stayin in time
and in key,
..in balance..
so when we are together,
we are in harmony
there is no such reality
as you harmin' me,
yes..,
we both may test
the others' nerves
while in contest
-quarreling-
over stupid shit,
no less,
but that shows and proves nothing
except that we are human,
like the rest
living,
learning,
and luving,
in this here physical world,
that epitomizes "a perfect mess"
and makes it necessary
for me to be your "Whoo-sah"
and you to be my dopamine,
...here to relieve the stress,
you ARE my comfort level...
you warm my soul
and relieve my tension,
like the effect of fire to a tea kettle,
you are living proof of the reason
why I dont settle,
dont meddle
in the romantic ties
of other womens' lives,
for I have no interest in real lyfe soap operas,
just interest in keepin me and my god
physically, spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually satisfied
keeping trust and respect ever present between us
so there's no need for lies,
no need to hide
to whom much is given,
much is expected,
but I take it all in stride
so,
my point five,
lets continue to build our cipher
and keep it alive
bcuz I need you
and you need me,
not to live,
but to thrive

Cardiac Arrest

Written April 7, 2010

you left my heart
H.E.A.V.Y.,
misused,
uncared for,
til it broke like NOLA's levee
remedy in a pinch
patch work fix
you purse your lips
..kiss it to make it better..
that usually does the trick
...usually...
revives the spark
but apparently,
youve watered down and simplified
the QRS complex of my heart
no lyfeline
you single-handedly robbed my most vital organ
of its self sustaining desire to restart
to renew
its grown weak as a result
of all the bullshit its had to endure with you
damn near killed itself tryin to
sustain lyfe for two
your selfish ass
luved my selfless ass
for all the selfless shit I'd naturally do
..selflessly gave..
..selflessly paid..
..selflessly saved..
in the name of "Us"
while you gave..?
WHAT?!!?
stress
heartache
and mounting feelins of mistrust
with me,
faithful to you,
all the while you succumb to your lust
at one time,
my heart drew strength from my luv for you,
now,
its only weakened with disgust
for your lack of commitment
and lack of concern
left fatally wounded to the third degree
no Milk Of Magnesia could pacify my agonizing heart burn
..so..
broken and luvless...
accelerated the rapid onset
of acute cardiac arrest
...
b.u.t.
...
before my last breath
at least,
I reached the point of no return
having LEARNED
from my heart's regret