Self Doubt (Bullshit)

Written July 6, 2009

Im only as good
as my last written letter
and when letters and words are your destiny
theres no room for error
cause that error could very well
be your lyfe long tether
and like the song says,
for "Always and Forever"
I know that I could be
SO much better
but the parody
of my reality
is that this creativity
is my only shelter
from myself,
the world,..
and the bullshit
that lurks in all places
industrial and rural
SO much bullshit
ya girl
cant stand it...
so much achin' in my legs
that I gotta sit
and while Im sittin
I gets to thinkin...
"can I ever rise above it..?"
negatively thinkin
my patience starts to wear thin
cause Im occupied,
growin frustrated,
wonderin
if all my newly harvested potential's prematurely peakin
not knowin
I jus dived head first into the bullshit I cant stand
self DOUBT begins to set in
so I start reachin,
disruptin the flow,
for higher plateaus
not watchin where my foot goes
solid ground is where I hoped to land
but ended up in lyrical quicksand
my creativity is strugglin
I feel myself sinkin
into obscurity
before any1 ever knows me
before I ever begin
(shakes head)
shoulda never started reachin
greatness would eventually come
but who wants to wait through the transition
such a terrible feelin
when the big fish lives in the ocean all her lyfe
then suddenly cant swim
oxygen low
panic striken
tight chest feelin
water in her lungs
drownin
I know it may sound like Im submerged
in the deep end
but thats what can happen
when, an extreme moment of doubt,
you experience
it only came to visit
but ya mental house kept it locked in
and since you gave it the power
its gonna kill ya dreams
like you breathed in a toxin